My sister went home the day after Christmas, which was also the same day that Randy returned to work. We seemed to be settling into the groove, just took it easy for a couple of days. Then Randy received a phone call on the night of December 27th. I didn't even hear his cell phone ring. I was busy getting the girls ready for bed when he walked into the family room and asked if he could talk with me. I told him I'd be there in just a few minutes, after I got the girls in bed but he told me no, that it could not wait. I went to his office with him and he looked me square in the eyes and said that Tommy was gone. I asked him what he meant, I mean where did Tommy go? He said 'he's gone, he died.' Randy looked like a pillar made of stone, it was not hard to tell he was in shock from the news. I immediately broke down. Once I had recomposed myself, we started the difficult task of letting his children know as well as telling my family. Even though I broke down into tears each time I had to tell someone, I still was having a hard time believing that Tommy was really gone. Randy and I then spent the rest of the night getting him packed and ready to leave for Tennessee the next morning. I did call his mom, spoke with her briefly to let her know that Randy would be there by the next evening, the girls and I would swing through Georgia, pick up Katie and follow on the next day.
When we arrived at Judy's it was still surreal. As we pulled into the driveway I could see Tommy's truck back by the shed and my first thought was that he was probably inside at the table eating some of his momma's cooking. It took a minute for it to register that Tommy wasn't there after all...and he never would be. Randy and his mom were already at the funeral home so Katie cleaned up and we drove her there, I would follow later when she would take the girls back to grandma's. I spent the last half of the visitation there with Randy and truly marveled at my mother-in-law. The little pint-sized woman that I have known now for more than 11 years showed remarkable strength and poise while she spoke and spent time with every single person who walked through the door to pay their respects. Every once in a while I would see her dab at the corner of her eye but never once did I see a tear make it all the way down her cheek or even hear her voice crack. I was not even able to go near the casket without choking up and instead of embarrassing myself or my family in front of family I was meeting for the first time, I stayed away. Instead I preoccupied myself with Diane and Debbie, two of Randy's cousins who had been side-by-side with his mom since she first heard the news. The next day for the funeral I stayed back at the house with Emily and Grace while everyone else went to the funeral home. I stayed back not only to stay with the girls (who Randy and I both felt were too young to go) but also to heat up the food that had been given to us by so many people.
It was after everyone left that I started getting worried about Randy and his mom. Randy and Tommy were the best of friends, not just brothers. Almost every Saturday night they would talk for a couple of hours on the phone. As for their mom and Tommy? He lived further in town but most mornings she would make him breakfast and he would stop by on his way to work. Or in the evening he would stop by and eat supper with her. Tommy kept up all of the maintenance on her house, took care of her lawn, repaired anything that was broken, painted whatever she felt needed painting. It was a few days after the services that I stopped worrying that she was in shock yet functional. We were sitting at the kitchen table, Randy and Katie had left already to head home and Judy and I were having coffee. I had left the room momentarily and when I returned she had tears rolling down her face. When she realized I was there she quickly apologized for crying...to which I told her what I had heard from my own mother - our loved ones who pass are worth a lot of tears, don't ever feel bad for shedding tears for someone, they've earned it. That is when I learned that Judy was not in shock at all, just very strong in keeping her feelings private, close to her heart.
We spent a few days at Tommy's house, cleaning it out, moving his things and getting it ready to return to the owner. His mom zipped from room to room while I moved things outside. In no time we were done. And just as quickly we loaded up my Durango and the truck and trailer that Randy's cousin Diane had brought over. We left his former home, never to return.
We (Randy and I) inherited a little dog while we were up there. Several months back when Tommy was playing golf with some friends, he became buds with a little female Chihuahua mix. She followed him around to the end of the game and he absolutely fell in love with her. He named her Missy and took her home. After Tommy passed, Judy went to his house and got Missy to take her back to Judy's house. Randy and I felt it was the right thing to do to take her with us. As I sit here writing this, comfy with a lightweight quilt over my legs, she is curled up beside me with her entire body - including her head - completely under the covers, as happy and content as she can possibly be! She sleeps with us at night (something Randy started) and her favorite position is in between us with every part of her under the covers and snuggled up against one of us. She is absolutely precious and lives a life of peaceful coexistence with Chessie! LOL!
Randy has buried himself in work, staying very busy. It is still almost surreal to both of us that his brother, his younger brother and only sibling is gone forever. We've all heard it said that time heals all wounds but I do not agree. Some wounds never heal, no matter how long it has been. It is my belief that time makes it easiER to deal with them, but it is never easY.
Will it matter ten years from now? Absolutely - by that time, Randy will have spent ten years without his best friend and Judy ten years without her youngest son. But memories will always keep Tommy close to all of our hearts. To us Tommy died too soon. To God Tommy died at just the right time. Maybe ten years from now we will better understand or at least better deal with him being gone...and then again maybe we will not. Only time will tell.
Tommy with Katie before Randy's USAF retirement dinner.
Tommy with Grace in December 2005.
Thomas Reese Anderson with Emily Reese Anderson, late summer 2003.
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